There is no FAMU sex tape.

That is all.

Hold me now...it's hard for me to say 'I'm sorry'.

Shortly after learning about OMGOMGOMGDOOOOOOOMWAR!!!!!, I wrote that I felt like somebody was lying on my chest, slowly seeping the air out of my lungs. Now I know why - because I was choking on my words. As Lars pointed out, I'm always the first one to say, "I was wrong." and I tend to do it publicly. After all, if you talk shit publicly, you should cop to it publicly. So here goes.

I was wrong for being so obnoxious about the Panther/Storm marriage.
I was wrong for taking so much joy in the suffering of other Storm fans.
I was wrong for taking the knives in their hearts heart and gleefully twisted them over and over and over.
I was wrong for taking so took so long to say something that I should've said months ago.
I was wrong about everything.*

Here's the story in a nutshell. Marvel Comics does another Black Panther relaunch - more like a reboot - in order to revive a book that has been on life support since it started. This time around, they decide to make T'Challa's sister Shuri the new Black Panther.** By Shuri becoming Black Panther - and even though this makes not a drop of sense, seeing that the title of Black Panther is not the same as being the king of Wakanda - Storm has now been busted down to a princess. And as we head into OMGOMGOMGDOOOOOOOMWAR!!!!!, Storm will be...in a box.

No, really. A box.

A box.

A MOTHERFUCKING BOX.***

The strange thing is I'm not even mad about this. I was mad, like...this time last year, when this dumb-ass idea let's-make-the-Panther-a-giiiiiiirl came into fruition. I mean, why waste four years on a title that can be rebooted on a whim? Don't get me wrong, I was never too keen on the idea of Storm as Black Panther. I was actually kind of excited to see Storm having such support in her sister-in-law. But that was some five or six issues ago. If my math is right - and to be fair, I dropped the book long ago - Storm has been seen speaking on a grand total of two pages in three issues. Her husband is hiding an entire army of women from her, her sister-in-law is running around calling herself a queen, and Storm doesn't seem to care. If that sounds boring, it's because it is boring, so why even bother with being mad about it?

I be shittin' on you, ho!

I know, I know, I know. If I'm not mad about it, why did I drop the title? I guess I get tired of seeing yet another black marriage being dumped all over for whatever bullshit reason that Marvel will wind up denying anyway. (See also: Black Panther != king of Wakanda.) Watching Storm be completely degraded without as much as a peep from her - especially from some 8th rate character nobody knows/cares about - is just too much. Look, if the T'Choro marriage didn't bring the sales you expected (and did anybody really think it would?), just drop it. Kill somebody off. Get a divorce. Retcon it. I don't care. But this whole busting-Storm-down-and-throwing-her-out-of-the-title crap? Completely unnecessary. And let me be blunt for a minute. If Hudlin was the one writing this arc, he would've been slagged to hell and back. But because a white man somebody who is not Hudlin is doing it, he's the second coming of Christ.

Speaking of which.

If the Storm fans are still mad at me by the end of DoomWar, I will personally eat my shoes.

You would think I would admire - or at least respect - such a colossal prick. Maybe it's just me, but if I hadn't given a single reason for Storm fans to have any faith in me, I wouldn't make such a declaration. Then again, I probably would be just as bad - if not worse - if I had some kind of Benny Hinn thing going on:

Skeptic: I'm getting worried about this.
Maberry: Just have patience.
Skeptic: OMGOMGOMGCANTWAIT!!!!

Skeptic: Storm hasn't been around in a long time.
Maberry: Keep reading.
Skeptic: YAAAAAYOMG!!!!

Skeptic: This storyline doesn't make any sense.
Maberry: Look, bitch. I'm gonna open my fly, and you're gonna swallow what I'm gonna give you to swallow.
Skeptic: (slurp slurp slurp)

Look at this picture! LOOKATIT!!!!

But now I'm speculating about that book, which is totally unfair since I'm not reading it. The point is, what goes around comes around. Always has. Always will. I just pray it doesn't last four years. I know that's cheating and I totally deserve what I get but...look, just bear with me, y'all. I'm not used to this kind of thing.

But I am breathing a little easier.

Current mood: relieved
Current music: My Life, Mary J. Blige
_____

*Which isn't the same as being sorry.

**I know what you're thinking: who the hell is Shuri? Trust me, that's not important.

***Okay, okay, so that's not quite true. In the spirit of keeping T'Choro married without actually having them in the same place at the same time, Storm is going to be kidnapped by Doom. Or something. Whatever.

I feel the earth move under my feet...

That rumbling you're feeling right now is bodies turning in their graves.

Martin. Medgar. Malcolm. Jimmie Lee. Harry. Viola. Andrew, James and Michael.

These are the names of just a handful of the people who were murdered fighting for our freedom.

I've long said that there's nothing and nobody who could ever make me ashamed of being black. Right now, that theory is being tested. My pride in my race is being severely strained. Not over something as lame at the BET Awards or the existence of Flavor Flav, but because a black man was illegally arrested in his own home, and far too many of us think it was his fault for having the nerve - the gall! - to know his rights and stand up for himself.

What a bastard.

I admit my disdain for the police is pretty high, and I don't apologize for it. But I'm not crazy, either. Like most black Americans, I know the routine if I'm ever pulled over or detained. Hands on the wheel. Move slowly. Don't even think about doing something as crazy as asking for a badge number - that's some Hollywood shit. (The jury is still out on whether it's safe to have your license and registration in your hand, since it could be mistaken for a weapon.) Speak softly and politely and for the love of God, smile. And keep smiling. Keep smiling when you're pulled over for driving a raggedy-ass VW Jetta in the "good" part of town. Keep smiling when you're pulled over twice in the same night while driving your boyfriend's expensive Audi. Keep smiling when you're sitting on the curb in your army PTs and a pair of flip-flops while the cops - who are doing an illegal search of your car - won't even toss you your jacket. Keep smiling when you're stopped at the door of any store. Keep smiling when you wake up in the morning, moving stiffly to examine the bruises on your arm, it could've been worse. Keep smiling or else it could very well get you killed.

Sometimes you get sick of smiling. So when Dr. Henry Gates got arrested for little more than LWB - Living While Black - I got a little excited. This was a man who could actually afford to stand up and fight. This was a man who could put a spotlight on the egregiousness of racial profiling and overzealous police officers who measure their penises with with nightsticks (or masturbate with them). Sure, bells went off at my head at "beg my forgiveness", but I was chalking that up to my MTV Generation* fear.

And then - Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a cracker!!! - the president spoke up in Gates's defense. President Barack Obama took a break from channeling his inner Cosby and finally said out loud that yes, people of color tend to be disproportionately stopped - and even harassed - by police officers. Okay, so I could've sworn I heard Rev. Wright chuckling somewhere, but I pushed that out of my head, along with the sudden aching in my right arm. I went to bed and slept for 16 hours straight, convinced that finally - finally! - justice was going to be done. Not that shaky O.J. Simpson kind of justice, but justice for a man whose innocence couldn't be denied by anybody. I couldn't wait to party at the newly christened Gates Square in a couple of months.

When I woke up, I was in Bizarro World.

The general public was enraged, but not with Sgt. Jim Crow(ley). They were furious with the president. Not only had Crowley still not apologized - not even for arresting a man in his own house when the burglary charge turned out to be bogus - but Pres. Obama was all but apologizing to him. Dr. Gates (last seen fighting "for justice for all the black men in America") was contemplating having a beer with this man. Black people were mocking Gates for not following "the black rules" when it came to being arrested. Over and over and over, I kept hearing this phrase: He got what he deserved.

Why?

Better yet, how?

Being a jerk in one's own home is not illegal. Refusing to step outside and show your ID to a police officer is not illegal. Talking about a cop's mama is not illegal. Disorderly conduct? Please. On the other hand, false arrest is illegal. Refusing to give your full name and badge number is illegal. If it's true that Dr. Gates wasn't read his rights while being arrested (or before being questioned, IIRC), then that's illegal as well. Oh, and calling for backup after Gates had provided Crowley with two forms of ID was a bit of a jerk move.

So with all due respect, Mr. President, Sgt. Jim Crow(ley) is not an "outstanding police officer." He's not a hero. He is, to quote one of my favorite movies, a big baby who doesn't know his thumb from his dick. He is hiding behind a badge, a blue line and a racial divide. I've yet to read a single article that suggest Gates is guilty of anything; at the most, it's"they both were in the wrong." Well, one was possibly in the wrong, and one was breaching his duties as a public servant.

White privilege: when you can be hailed for NOT doing your job.

I'm sick of hearing about how it wasn't smart for Dr. Gates to talk back to the police officer. I'm sick of hearing about how what we, as ordinary black Americans, would've handled the issue. I'm sick of hearing about his white wives and his trip to Ireland and his smarmy Harvard ways and how he thank he white. Is Skip Gates a massive asshole with a chip on his shoulder? By every account I've seen, heard and read so far, yes. Was his arrest due to him being a black man in America? Maybe, maybe not. Is he a clueless Ivy buppie with his head up his ass, especially considering his age? Definitely.

But being a media-whoring asshole whose trip to Nigger Alley came way too far along in life doesn't warrant being arrested. It is not illegal, nor should it be illegal. Any so-called good American should be outraged - and they would be, if Dr. Gates was white. If Dr. Gates was white, James Crowley would be little more than a mouth-breathing lughead who terrorized a poor old man far above him on both the economic and social ladder. He'd be little more than white trash.

But this is kind of a non-issue now, isn't it? Now that the charges have been dropped and (black) feet have been held to the flames, it's pretty much over. An event that Dr. Gates basically pimped - at the expense of the feelings and experiences of black people - is now being considered a 'teachable moment'. People are desperate to move on. The president - who is recovering very well from his double knee surgery due to extreme backpedaling - is being hailed as a peacemaker. Peace, as usual, is coming at the expense of the disenfranchised.

"I'm going to Disney World Washington, DC!"

This should not be happening. 50 years ago, this wouldn't be happening. Dr. King and Malcolm X didn't see eye to eye for most of their lives, but at the very least, both of them would've had strong opinions about this matter, wouldn't have been afraid to say so, and probably laughed at the idea of having drinks with the oppressor, at least until he admitted he was dead wrong.

Sometimes, I really think we don't get it. The assassinations of Dr. King and Senator Robert Kennedy were 40 years ago, which is chronologically a blink of an eye. The grandmother of my great-grandmother - who died only eight years ago - was a slave. The Dallas Independent School District wasn't legally declared desegregated until 2003. (It is now over 90% minority; Dallas is over half white.) Yet the powers that be threw us Affirmative Action - which primarily benefits white women - housing projects and The Cosby Show, and we've been sitting at the front of the bus with our feet up and hands behind our heads ever since. Then we mock Revs. Sharpton and Jackson when we're too lazy (or fearful) to stand up and give them our seats. These were men who were on the front lines during the Movement, and yet we're so pampered and scared that we lambaste Rev. Sharpton for supporting a black man for having the nerve to protest a false arrest.

We laugh at him when we should be apologizing.

And to Martin. And Medgar. And Malcolm. Jimmie Lee. Harry. Viola. Andrew, James and Michael. They're long gone, and we're so complacent in the scraps of freedom that they sacrificed their lives to give us that we haven't stepped up yet.
___

*Generation Y is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Sorry.

Will Tyler Perry just die already?

I love Janet Jackson. Have since I was a kid. I sport a sankofa in the small of my back. So when Tyler Perry defended Janet like a true gentleman when some no-name "journalist" tried to attack her in a fit of bitchassness, I said I would never again go out of my way to attack his work.

I'm rescinding that promise.

I just made the mistake of watching The Family That Preys, seeing that it has two of my favorite actresses, Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates. I'm one of those people who can watch a bad movie with good actors in it, which is why I own a copy of The Gospel. I'll have to come back to this entry later, but I'll say this now: Tyler Perry is a cancer to black America who deserves to be dragged into the street and shot. If we can lose Biggie and we can lose 2Pac and we can lose the Jam Master, there's no reason in the world why Tyler Perry should live to coon another day.

That is all, for now.

This just in: white gays lose right to marry as well as their damn minds.

Disclaimer: This is a link to the article in question. There have been arguments that the actual column suggests the exact opposite of what the author is trying to say. As a writer who has had this happen to me more than once thanks to an inept copy desk, I'm going to give the writer the benefit of the doubt and reserve my wrath for the editors and whoever is responsible for the cover and the title.
_____

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – attributed to Einstein

The Advocate: Because we don't really need - or want - your support

I was writing a long entry about how the phenomenon of black homophobia is a crock of shit (more on that later), when I found myself having to write this entry first. The Prop 8 thing is not going to go away anytime soon, sadly, and the rift between white gays and people of color (of all orientations) is going to be there for a pretty long while. The excuse of “Well, I was lashing out when I said those things; it’s time to heal” isn’t going to swing this time, mainly because all the rage white gays were spewing was being directed to the wrong black people. Black voters for Prop 8 were hardly reading liberal, pro-gay blogs with calculators and maps of California counties in hand, trying to get to the bottom of all this. You really think Trick Trick is losing any sleep over this?

A lot of younger blacks have views that run almost polar opposite to our parents’ views, and we’ve taken a lot of shit for challenging their views and telling them flat out that they were/are wrong. I know I’ve moved more than a couple of mountains in my family. Furthermore, a lot of our parents are either very young Boomers, or Generation Jones, arguably the last generation to be directly affected by the Civil Rights Movement. For them, Dr. King is not a symbol or a name. He is not some guy you drag out to win arguments. He’s not an ace card. He was real, and while I certainly can’t speak for all black people, or even all older black people, I can say that that quickest way to get a “girl, hush that foolishness!” is to compare your plight – however serious it may be – to what they went through. My high school experience at Honky McCracker Senior High School was unquestionably a study in institutionalized racism, but it wasn't my grandmother's high school experience of integrating the local high school after the colored high school closed.

Which brings me to my point. As much as white gays want to blame this on sensitive black people and our need to oppress another disadvantaged group (because we obviously have nothing else better to do), here’s the thing: in the black community, the only thing that you’re allowed to compare to the Civil Rights Movement is the Civil Rights Movement. Black white, gay, straight, son of God…if you are trying to get any point across and the words “Dr. King” come up, you’re probably going to lose your African-American audience, particularly if they’re over 50. In fact, the idea that “as long as we’re not being lynched” mentality has run kind of opposite to our well-being as a whole.

Warning: objects in this blog entry are far less real in your mind.

I’ll let Tim Wise, the Guru of Interracial Relations, explain why:

…[C]ontrary to popular belief, research indicates that people of color are actually reluctant to allege racism, be it on the job, or in schools, or anywhere else. Far from "playing the race card" at the drop of a hat, it is actually the case (again, according to scholarly investigation, as opposed to the conventional wisdom of the white public), that black and brown folks typically "stuff" their experiences with discrimination and racism, only making an allegation of such treatment after many, many incidents have transpired, about which they said nothing for fear of being ignored or attacked (10). Precisely because white denial has long trumped claims of racism, people of color tend to underreport their experiences with racial bias, rather than exaggerate them.

Now, one’s delicate sensibilities and painful memories shouldn’t matter any more than one’s religion, and even though the “gay is the new black” motto is lazy and patronizing (“C’mon, you should get it! You’re black!”), it doesn’t take away from the fact that there is only one right way to vote for this issue. It would also be nice if my money tree would start producing $100 bills. The bottom line is simple: as long as white gays keep hoisting up WWMLKD posters and expecting black people to hop aboard the gay rights train, they’re going to stay mad for the next 50 years. It’s not going to work. You’ve been told it’s not going to work. You’ve been SHOWN that it’s not going to work. Therefore, if you keep doing it over and over, don’t be surprised if people like me start to wonder if you have another agenda, one that has nothing to do with healing and everything to do with eking sympathy out of non-black gays. But hey, maybe the gay rights movement is getting their cues from third wave feminism nowadays.*

And just to show that making very powerful and logical arguments for gay rights is very easy to go without pulling poor Martin out of the grave, I’ll finish with this:

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.—Mildred Loving

Hat tip to Renee at Womanist Musings for inspiring this mini-rant.

*In light of the fact that Prop 8 has placed a big wedge between people of color and non-black gays, I thought it would be great to exercise my white privilege and once again drag poor Dr. King out of the ground to underscore my agenda – this time, in the way of blatant plagiarism!

_______

Mood: fed up
Currently listening to: Midnight Marauders, A Tribe Called Quest

Juiced! OJ Simpson gets 15 years in prison

He's not R. Kelly, but he'll do.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN) -- A Las Vegas judge sentenced fallen gridiron great O.J. Simpson to at least 15 years in prison for leading an armed confrontation last year at a Las Vegas hotel room over sports memorabilia.

O.J. Simpson was sentenced to at 15 years in prison, and could be eligible for parole in nine.

Simpson could become eligible for parole in about nine years. Grimacing, Simpson was escorted from the courtroom in shackles.

Judge Jackie Glass gave Simpson a tongue-lashing before passing sentence.

"Earlier in this case, at a bail hearing, I said to Mr. Simpson I didn't know if he was arrogant, ignorant or both," Glass said. "During the trial and through this proceeding I got the answer, and it was both."

"Say WHAT?"

You know what OJ could've done to avoid this? EVERYTHING! But nooooooo, he had to write a book and do a TV show and whatnot. Dude, when you get away with murder, shut your raggedy ass up and sit the fuck down.

Night-night! Keep your asshole tight!