I was wrong for being so obnoxious about the Panther/Storm marriage.
I was wrong for taking so much joy in the suffering of other Storm fans.
I was wrong for taking the knives in their hearts heart and gleefully twisted them over and over and over.
I was wrong for taking so took so long to say something that I should've said months ago.
I was wrong about everything.*
Here's the story in a nutshell. Marvel Comics does another Black Panther relaunch - more like a reboot - in order to revive a book that has been on life support since it started. This time around, they decide to make T'Challa's sister Shuri the new Black Panther.** By Shuri becoming Black Panther - and even though this makes not a drop of sense, seeing that the title of Black Panther is not the same as being the king of Wakanda - Storm has now been busted down to a princess. And as we head into OMGOMGOMGDOOOOOOOMWAR!!!!!, Storm will be...in a box.
No, really. A box.
A box.
A MOTHERFUCKING BOX.***
The strange thing is I'm not even mad about this. I was mad, like...this time last year, when this dumb-ass idea let's-make-the-Panther-a-giiiiiiirl came into fruition. I mean, why waste four years on a title that can be rebooted on a whim? Don't get me wrong, I was never too keen on the idea of Storm as Black Panther. I was actually kind of excited to see Storm having such support in her sister-in-law. But that was some five or six issues ago. If my math is right - and to be fair, I dropped the book long ago - Storm has been seen speaking on a grand total of two pages in three issues. Her husband is hiding an entire army of women from her, her sister-in-law is running around calling herself a queen, and Storm doesn't seem to care. If that sounds boring, it's because it is boring, so why even bother with being mad about it?
I be shittin' on you, ho!
I know, I know, I know. If I'm not mad about it, why did I drop the title? I guess I get tired of seeing yet another black marriage being dumped all over for whatever bullshit reason that Marvel will wind up denying anyway. (See also: Black Panther != king of Wakanda.) Watching Storm be completely degraded without as much as a peep from her - especially from some 8th rate character nobody knows/cares about - is just too much. Look, if the T'Choro marriage didn't bring the sales you expected (and did anybody really think it would?), just drop it. Kill somebody off. Get a divorce. Retcon it. I don't care. But this whole busting-Storm-down-and-throwing-her-out-of-the-title crap? Completely unnecessary. And let me be blunt for a minute. If Hudlin was the one writing this arc, he would've been slagged to hell and back. But because
Speaking of which.
If the Storm fans are still mad at me by the end of DoomWar, I will personally eat my shoes.
You would think I would admire - or at least respect - such a colossal prick. Maybe it's just me, but if I hadn't given a single reason for Storm fans to have any faith in me, I wouldn't make such a declaration. Then again, I probably would be just as bad - if not worse - if I had some kind of Benny Hinn thing going on:
Skeptic: I'm getting worried about this.
Maberry: Just have patience.
Skeptic: OMGOMGOMGCANTWAIT!!!!
Skeptic: Storm hasn't been around in a long time.
Maberry: Keep reading.
Skeptic: YAAAAAYOMG!!!!
Skeptic: This storyline doesn't make any sense.
Maberry: Look, bitch. I'm gonna open my fly, and you're gonna swallow what I'm gonna give you to swallow.
Skeptic: (slurp slurp slurp)
Look at this picture! LOOKATIT!!!!
But now I'm speculating about that book, which is totally unfair since I'm not reading it. The point is, what goes around comes around. Always has. Always will. I just pray it doesn't last four years. I know that's cheating and I totally deserve what I get but...look, just bear with me, y'all. I'm not used to this kind of thing.
But I am breathing a little easier.
Current mood: relieved
Current music: My Life, Mary J. Blige
_____
But I am breathing a little easier.
Current mood: relieved
Current music: My Life, Mary J. Blige
_____
*Which isn't the same as being sorry.
**I know what you're thinking: who the hell is Shuri? Trust me, that's not important.
***Okay, okay, so that's not quite true. In the spirit of keeping T'Choro married without actually having them in the same place at the same time, Storm is going to be kidnapped by Doom. Or something. Whatever.
7 comments:
I agree with a lot of what you're saying. But why can't give Jonathan Mayberry 1 full arc before you write him off entirely? Even Eric Jerome Dickey got 6 issues from you. I can see why you're skipping this arc but at least start support the next one. If it doesn't work then we all suffer. You'll be right but then what?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyrrhic_victory
Sigh! Will Ororo ever be anything more than a black-Barbie-doll, Tyra Banks-esque support character?
Your question was why any self-respecting Storm fan would bother with this title. I am a self-respecting Storm fan, and my answer is that I bother with the title because I bothered with the title when Hudlin wrote it. I at least gave it a fair shot and warmed up to it over time. You, on the other hand, read one issue - not a arc, a ISSUE - and gave the finger to all of Marvel Comics. I understand where you're coming from with your concerns, but isn't that rather unfair?
I'm confused as to exactly where you're coming from. Do you want the book to fail, do you want it to do well, do you want Storm to divorce Black Panther, do you want T'challa to die? What would make you read the book again?
Anons #1 & #4 - I never meant to do that at all. I just get so sick of this guy thumping his chest over shit nobody even said. You've got to be a new breed of idiot if you think that people have a problem w/T'Challa training the Dora Milaje behind his wife's back is because they're women, as opposed to...oh, I don't know...TRAINING THEM BEHIND HIS WIFE'S BACK. I refuse to believe that a man who has been in this business longer than I've been alive is THAT obtuse. How the hell do you take "T'Challa shouldn't be training a bevy of women who once tried to kill Storm behind her back" and get "RRRAAAWWWWR HATURZ RRRAAAWWWWR?" My only consolation is that whoever taught this guy reading comprehension at Kunta Kinte High School is probably dead, and therefore unable to produce another generation of dumbfuckery.
Darion, I just don't know. I find it interesting that ever since the marriage, Storm is suddenly in so many books that it keeps her and T'Challa constantly separated. Or somebody is getting blown out of the sky. Or somebody is getting put in a box. Gee, you'd think that Marvel married them in name only.
Lauren & Anon #2, your point is acknowledged, appreciated and respected.
Lauren - I realized I never answered your question. Answer...I truly don't know. At this point, the book deserves to fail. Rather than having conviction in the marriage and the writing and the buying public, they'll obviously do anything and everything to get the sales they're looking for. So hey - let's turn T'Challa into a petulant child, demote his wife to a housewife and transfer all the power to some broad who NOBODY gives a damn about. And when that doesn't work, then what? Ultimately, I guess that's why I just can't be arsed to care what happens anymore. BP & Storm get divorced? Whatever. The book gets canceled? Fine. Both of them die? They're better off. I've gotten enough out of the title to not really care if it ends tomorrow.
The only real emotion I feel is pity for fans like you, who are putting so much faith in a woman who refers to Storm as a "jealous, insecure prom date" for having natural feelings and emotions. I hope that doesn't sound too condescending, but I really do. I have a bad feeling that we're either going to get the resurrection of Ice Queen Storm, or we're going to get Pinky Storm ("yeah, yeah! Sure, sure!"). After that prom date crack, my guess is the latter. That's just too painful for me to even think about.
Anon #2 - It's not that I've written Maberry off. It's just that I really do agree with the Playboy analogy. If you have to keep telling me over and over how great your work is and how much I'm going to love it...dollars to donuts says you're lying. If your plan to get people reading your work is to subtlety insult them into reading your work - especially over shit they never even said - then you *are* lying, full stop. Say what you want about Hudlin, but at least he typed with two hands, not one.
When are you and Maberry going to call a cease fire?
This from an anonymouse? Lulz.
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