There is no FAMU sex tape.

That is all.

The bitch had it coming, or, is it ever okay to hit a woman?

I get so sick of this question, mainly because it only seems to be a common discussion with black people. Even worse, you get a bevy of black women, in their attempts to prove how anti-feminist they are*, piping up about how if a woman is man enough to take a swing at you, she's man enough to get hit back.

Please.

When I get asked this question - and being a mixed martial artist, I get it a lot - my answer is always the same: it's not okay to hit anybody. That's not to say that I would live by that particular creed - sometimes the only thing a person understands is a good ass-whuppin' - but that doesn't make it any less wrong, so just cop to it and be finished. I would tell that to any woman or man. Legitimate reasons to go on the offense and attack somebody are very, very, very small. Don't do it.

That's the ideal answer. The real answer is a little more complicated. A male friend of mine put it like this: it's not okay to hit anybody; it's never okay to hit a woman. I can agree with that, if I wish to avoid a long debate. If you're a woman, hitting a man is like being drunk at Mardi Gras around strangers: it's not a good idea, and the odds are stacked against you, but it doesn't warrant you being violated. The second part is the most important, not the first.

You'll always have the whiners in the Bitchassness Choir singing about how if a woman swings on him, yadda yadda thus and so. But the truth is, those men probably wouldn't swing on their boys that way. Additionally, this is such a straw man argument that it's laughable; how many women run around taking random swings at men? About as many who falsely report rape, but that doesn't stop the argument from coming up during discussions of sexual assault.

But what if I'm defending myself?

Negro, PLEASE. It doesn't take all of this to defend yourself.



Don't get me wrong - when you are in serious danger, all bets are off. I am a firm believer that the lives of me and mine are precious enough to take yours away, if I can. But when it's your crazy ex-girlfriend - and you knew she was crazy when you were dating her - you know good and hell well that you're probably going to get a nasty scratch at worst. You mean to tell me you can't do a running tackle? You can't pin her against the wall, or on the floor? Any able-bodied idiot can do that.

I get hacked at the self-defense argument because I've spent most of my adult life learning self-defense as a martial artist. In this argument of self-defense in the "when can I hit a woman?" debate, most people forget that the main purpose of self-defense is to get away. A lot of instructors rarely even say "hit" - they say "strike" instead, and you always hear about how to "diffuse" the situation, even though "diffuse" really means "take that sucker's eyes out."



But there are some girls out there who can box as hard as any man.

Unless you're dating Ann Wolfe or Lucia Rijker, you sound like a punk. No, really. You do. Go back home and get your balls and then come back this blog. There's a lot of complaining about how black women don't treat black men like men, but it's really hard to take you seriously when you say things like that.

Back in high school, I nearly missed graduating because I took on a girl who hauled off and hit me. At the time, I thought it unfair - after all, she hit me first - but over time, I can see why my punishment was so severe: because I deserved it. I had just come out of basic training the summer before, and while we were about the same size - I was a little taller and she weighed a little more - I was in much better shape and had the advantage of being trained in military hand-to-hand combat. I could have walked away if I wanted to, and had it escalated, I could've subdued her. The principal knew all of this, which is probably why I wound up with the suspension AND the time in alternative school AND the fine AND the probation. Swearing up and down that it was self-defense when I was standing there without a scratch** is probably what got the fine - $350 for insulting the principal's intelligence.

All these years later, I can say what I know to be true:

1) It was wrong, and
2) The bitch had it coming.

When it comes to men hitting women and then claiming self-defense, that's usually what it boils down to: the bitch had it coming. I've never heard a man say that he truly felt threatened, or that he felt he was in genuine danger, and that's why he just had to throw a haymaker, then go to the ground and follow it up with some sucker punches. All the whining and the justifying is the long, LONG way of saying that the bitch had it coming.

Until women start fighting with their hands closed (and not around a handful of hair), please spare me the self-defense speech and tell me what I already know you really mean: the bitch had it coming. Then I can roll my eyes at you while you go back to choir rehearsal. But don't tell me it was self-defense. We both know you're lying.

*Don't get it twisted. Feminism is a joke, mainly because feminists are only for the rights of women who think, vote, and look like them. But I am 150% for the rights of ALL women (not just the ones I like) and there's nothing sadder than watching a woman debase herself and her position just to get a date.

**I did, however, get my shirt ripped off. That argument didn't swing, either.